Eva Mendes poses nude for a "PETA" campaign

(she even does her gardening naked!) as the reason why she is happy to go naked on screen.

Yet another nudist comes out!

Full story here

According to recent research, an all-over-tan can dramatically reduce your chances of being swallowed up by a shark.

Apparently the flashes of white skin which characterise the bodies of people who rarely expose their bodies to the sun and air help to attract a shark, and alert it to the possibility of dinner being served.

An all-over tan is much less noticeable to a fishy predator, so you’re significantly less likely to end up as the main course.

So before you go swimming in shark infested waters — top up your tan!

Not so, say the experts. The bad news for nudist women is that according to “sex researcher” Piero Lorenzoni our personalities are revealed by the shape of our breasts. In fact the bosom of a woman identifies her character even more than Zodiac signs do. Even without our clothes our secrets are laid bare.

This crackpot theory is based upon the ancient science of Sternomancy, which compares the shape of women’s breasts with fruit, berries and even vegetables and then assigns a personality traits to each shape.  Here’s a taster, if you’ll forgive the pun.

Apple breasts.
A round bosom usually denotes a hard-working housewife. Although she will also work tirelessly to please her man in bed, she is intrinsically frigid and rarely experiences an orgasm.  ‘Apples’ do not like changing their sex partners.

Cherry breasts.
Cherry-breasted women are amiable, entertaining and easy-going. They make good long-term partners, but are only moderately interested in sex. Women with small breasts that look like cherries are pleasantly sociable.

Pear breasts.

If you’re married to a pear-breasted woman look out! You’re guaranteed fantastic sex, but you might find that the love of your life is putting it around like a sailor on shore leave. She is inclined to be a highly sexual person who is unlikely to be satisfied by one man. She is also wilful, independent and not the sharpest tool in the box, which makes her an exciting partner but not one you’d like to take home to meet your mum.

Lemon breasts.
Lemon-breasted women are full of life, with a great sense of humour and are capable of laughing at  themselves. Lively they may be, but on the whole they prefer to lead a quiet lifestyle. These often make the ideal mate.

Melon breasts.
Women with melon-shaped breasts like being looked at. They appreciate good food, and like to be inventive in the kitchen. Unfortunately for her mate, the melon-boob is not so inventive in the bedroom, as although she likes to flirt she isn’t much interested in sex.

The fox’s nose breast. (Huh? What happened to the fruit?)
A fox’s nose girl has a springboard-shaped bosom. No. I’ve no idea what that looks either, but apparently she is usually very smart but reserved. She is inclined to laziness, which means that a girl with a fox’s nose rack is unlikely to achieve anything significant at a professional level. Don’t despair, however, because a ‘fox’ can become a very good wife for practically any man, which is why such women usually build successful families.

Nipples can also tell a lot about a woman.

A well-shaped protruding nipple.
A woman with nipples like a pair of light switches is powerful and dominating, and prefers to be on top, both in the relationship and in bed.

A small and inverted nipple.
This girl is shy and reserved. She doesn’t see anything special about sex, but is happy to cater to the bedroom fantasies of her man.

Oh dear. Not much comfort there then. It seems whatever the shape of your knockers you’re either frigid, slutty, boring, lazy or thick.  And don’t think you can make things better by surgical enhancements, as the sexperts say that ” a woman with silicon breasts can be a very good partner on holidays, just for a week or so, but one should not devote a whole life to those women. Nearly all silicon beauties have serious psychological issues. They are not certain of themselves and have many complexes. Sex with a woman with a pair of silicon breasts is just a formality”.

Hmm. Nice.

Now ladies, before you write to me in protest let me remind you that I didn’t come up with this theory; I merely point it out to you. As a matter of fact I think it’s just about as ludicrous –and as insulting–as the equally spurious hypothesis that you can judge a woman’s personality from the shape of her pubic bush.

It may not have escaped your notice that both of these daft “sciences” have been developed by men, and both happen to involve an in-depth study of the traditionally erotic parts of the female anatomy. So let’s put them down as the product of middle-aged male fantasy masquerading as science and waste no more time on them.

Because, dear reader, I want to reveal, for the very first time in public, my own revolutionary scientific theory. It’s called  the science of peni-pinch-ology and it proposes that there is a very definite correlation between the size and shape of a man’s penis and the health or otherwise of his bank account.

I have to point out that my theory is still in the very early stages. I haven’t yet got any actual results.

But boy am I looking forward to the research!

Any volunteers?

Now you can call me an old traditionalist if you want, but I’d prefer that Yuletide start just a little later in the year. About mid-December would be nice.

The trouble is that the commercial interests who are doing their best to destroy the real meaning of Christmas for the sake of a quick buck are now trying to pull another fast one. By using the term “Seasonal”, instead of the more traditional “Christmas”, or “Yuletide”, they are able to expand a very holy and well-defined Christian festival into an infinitely extendable shopping opportunity.

We shouldn’t fall for it. We shouldn’t let them get away with it. We should fight against it.

So. What has this got to do with naturism?

Well, nothing, actually. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

But since this is supposed to be a naturist article, and because even I’m at the Christmas gift planning stage, I thought this might be a good opportunity to look at some gifts we might buy for our nudist loved ones and friends. Here then, is my brief Guide to Nudist Christmas Shopping.

FOR HIM:
Why not let him while away the long winter evenings with a great book exploring the quirky history of the nudist cinema?

“Cinema Au Naturel: A History of Nudist Film brings to life many long-forgotten films such as Elysia: Valley of the Nude, The Monster at Camp Sunshine, and Take Off Your Clothes and Live. This is the first book devoted to these tantalizing films, and author Mark Storey shows them worthy of both light-hearted and serious consideration.

No? Something a little more risque perhaps?

How about The Naked Truth about Hedonism II: A Totally Unauthorized, Naughty But Nice Guide to Jamaica’s Very Adult Resort, 2nd Edition 

Everyone returns from Hedonism II, an adult resort in Jamaica, with at least one good story. This book is a collection of those  cheeky stories and also a bawdy travel guide for making the most of a trip to this resort. Sporting forty three colour photos and eighteen black-and-white ones, the book is sure to make him laugh at the antics of the guests who keep coming back for more naked silliness.

FOR HER:
What’s simple and comfortable yet stylish and graceful, looks as good in the bedroom as it does on the beach, and is the ideal “throw on” for the nudist lady in your life? I’m talking about a Kimono, that functional but elegant garment which has graced Japanese ladies for centuries.

Forget struggling into shorts or donning unflattering jogging bottoms – she can slip into a Kimono as if it were a housecoat, and she’ll still look a million dollars! Traditional silk may be out of the range of all but the very rich, but you can find a superb range of stunning designs in cotton at
http://www.thekimonocompany.co.uk/

We all know what the excesses of Christmas can do to our figures, and there’s nothing like going nude on a beach or a club to highlight the results of our over-indulgence. But fear not. If your lady is already worrying about the excess pounds she’ll really appreciate the aptly named How To Look Good Naked DVD.

Reviewer Diana Quacinella says” This is quite possibly the best set of workout tapes I’ve tried. In weeks I saw a difference in my abs, butt and thighs. My tummy is now toned and my thighs have great shape. I’ve tried pilates, yoga and nothing has worked as great as this set!”

FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY:
If you really want to splash out (and you’ve got the means to do so!) how about your own private nudist paradise island?

The 26 acre (10 hectare) Little Eden Cay coral island is located close to the Caribbean Coast of Nicaragua and has been transformed into the ultimate getaway, featuring a most luxurious and beautifully detailed home away from home. A full time manager lives on the Cay and attends to the maintenance and housekeeping of the main house, supervision of the other island staff, and acts as butler to any guests in residence. Other staff include a gardener, a caretaker and a housekeeper.

The price? A snip atjust under 4 million US Dollars. If you’re really interested go to http://www.privateislandsonline.com/littleeden.htm

Better still, if you’ve got that kind of money contact me first. I’ve got this great business idea that can’t fail…!

Seriously though, I guess that’s just about it for another year. I’m off to Florida for Christmas, so I won’t be writing again until the New Year. I’d just like to thank you all for all your support, interest and your kind comments in 2009, and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year.

See you in January.

God bless.

Body Freedom Day: When a Clothed-Minded World Unraveled.

Stuart Ward

This is one of the most original nudist books I’ve ever read, and although it’s only a little over 100 pages it punches well above its weight in the nudist genre.
After easing us into the book by way of a fairly conventional history of nudism, Stuart Ward catapults us forward from the present into the near(ish) future and writes as an old man looking back on an annual nude running event.
It’s an unusual device but a successful one, and if Ward’s purpose is to convince us that social nudity should be considered the norm and clothes-wearing an aberration, it serves his purpose well.
Although I found his use of abbreviated words a little jarring, the book is otherwise well written in a light, engaging style. On a recent vacation, and despite the combined distractions of sea, sun, snoozing and strawberry margaritas, I managed to read it almost at one sitting!
Recommended reading for everyone who doesn’t get freaked out by the nude body beneath their clothes.

Body Freedom Day: When a Clothed-Minded World Unraveled
Paperback: 117 pages
Publisher: Infinity Publishing (June 2004)
ISBN-10: 0741419459
ISBN-13: 978-0741419453

I felt pretty smug. I had avoided the trap. I had refused to panic and download something nasty. I had outwitted the geeky virus writers, the  sneeky hackers and the shabby spammers.
I had a celebratory cup of tea whilst I waited for the dust to settle a bit, and then with a triumphant flourish I switched my machine back on.
Except that I couldn’t. Or rather, I could power it up, but nothing significant happened. All I got after a few seconds of whirring was a blue screen and a message about something being corrupted  in my Fat sector, which I didn’t understand but which wasn’t, I thought, a very nice thing to say to a girl.
Rebooting didn’t help, neither did swearing nor threatening it with the first floor drop.
A friend of mine suggested using the back-up disc so thoughtfully provided by Evesham Computers when I purchased it some years ago, but it refused to load ( naturally!) and the option of phoning the helpline had disappeared some months before when Evesham went out of business.
Now I began to panic.
It wasn’t the computer itself that I was worried about. It was over 6 years old and had become unreliable and due for replacement. Anyway, I could carry on working and accessing the internet etc on my laptop.
What really spooked me was the potential data loss. Although most of my writings are backed up to CD’s and DVD’s, I had hundred of digital photos and over 1000 of my favourite songs stored on my desktop computer, as well as personal documents of one sort or another. All of them, particularly the photographs, were irreplaceable. None were backed up. I felt sick, and not a little foolish.
I phoned around Yellow Pages for some professional help and nearly had the conniptions at the average rate being quoted of £50 an hour with a minimum fee of £200. Yikes! For that sort of money I could buy a posh cocktail dress AND have enough left over for some stockings.
As a last resort, I decided to pop into my local Maplins ( an chain of UK electronics stores), to see if they had any suggestions.
 The assistant was small, spotty. bespectacled and geeky and so fitted my stereotype of the the sort of little snirp who wrote the virus that caused my problem in the first place that I almost biffed him one on sight.
And how wrong I would have been. After patiently listening to my problem, and politely answering my entirely stupid, computer illiterate questions, he came up with a solution which entailed removing my hard drive ( scary but not difficult) and plugging it in via a special contraption to my lap top.
Result, thanks to a geeky kidI can now access all the data I thought I’d lost, at a cost of less than £16.
Which just goes to show how important it is to back your data up. And how foolish we are to  judge people according to sterotypes.
Including geeks. And especially naturists.

Despite the uncertainty, the company is continuing to send out flyers for its naturist winter vacation programme.

A source close to the company claims that two shareholders withdrew an offer to inject fresh funds into the company after they tried to change the terms of the deal at the last minute.

AIM-listed Travelzest thought it had raised £5.7m through the issue of new shares, funds it needs to meet lending agreements with its banks. It announced on Friday morning to the stock exchange that investors had approved the share placing.

However, after the market closed in the afternoon, the company said that investors accounting for £2m of the new funds had failed to meet the deadline for paying the money, and that it would need to find an alternative means of securing the funds.

It has asked for its shares to be suspended, “pending clarification of its financial position”.

We’ve been a great supporter of Peng in the past, and we continue to wish them a great future, but if you’re planning to book with Peng this winter we would advise that you find out exactly what the position is before you commit yourself.

An occasional look at some of the world’s notable nudist beaches.

Morfa Dyffryn Nudist Beach, Gywnedd,
North Wales UK

Google map here.

Description:

Morfa nudist beach

Morfa Dyffryn nudist (naturist) beach forms part of the northern end of the majestic Barmouth Bay beach. It is a beautiful spot, consisting of 1 km of fine golden sand gently sloping to the clean, clear ( if sometimes chilly ) waters of the Welsh coastline. The beach is backed by acres of sand dunes, Morfa Dyffryn is considered by many to be Britain’s best nudist beach.

Directions:

• Drive north out of Barmouth on the A496
• After 4 miles you’ll come to Talybont. Proceed through the village and over a narrow bridge.
• Just after this bridge you’ll come across a road on the seaward side next to a small chapel, signposted ‘Treath Beach’
• Turn down this road ( actually a lane – very narrow in parts)
• One mile down you’ll come to toilets, beyond which is a free car park. This has height barriers which makes it unsuitable for van/campers etc
• From the car park follow the marked path through the dunes for about 1 mile to the nudist beach.
• ALTERNATIVELY, nudists may want to turn right at the toilets and drive into the Dyffryn Seaside Estate and park there. It is a shorter walk to the nudist beach, but the Estate may make a nominal charge in high season.

Nearest air / rail links.: The Welsh Coast railway line from Barmouth to Porthmadog runs just inland from the beach, with stops at Dyffryn Ardudwy and Llanbedr. Also the Shrewsbury-Machynlleth-Pwllhei railway stops close to the beach.

Facilities:

None on the beach itself, but there are shops and a pub at the nearby Dyffryn Seaside Estate. There are public toilets at the car park. Camping and caravanning is available nearby at Benar Beach Caravan Park.(mostly textile, but with a small nudist area), and tents and small campers at “Glyn’s Field”( on the right of the road to Dyffryn Seaside Estate, off the side road down from the A496 on the edge of Dyffryn Ardudwy.) Disabled A boardwalk runs from near the National Park Car Park through the dunes to the beach to allow disabled access, although it is still a long but level trek over hard sand from there to the nudist section. The board walk is also good for cyclists.

Designation:

Official since 2000

Who goes there:

Up to 500 nudists on a sunny Sunday in summer , including a substantial homosexual community who tend to congregate at the northern end. The main nudist beach attracts a good mixture of couples, families and singles.

Other nearby attractions:

For directions, links and more information to all the following attractions, see our Morfa Dyffryn map here.

Snowdon: Snowdon is the highest mountain in England and Wales.

Centre for Alternative Technology: Machynlleth. Demonstrating practical ways of dealing with some of the most serious challenges facing our planet and the human race, such as climate change, pollution and the waste of precious resources.

Caernarfon Castle. Castle Ditch, Caernavon Mighty Caernarfon is possibly the most famous of Wales’s castles. Its sheer scale and commanding presence easily set it apart from the rest, and to this day, still trumpet in no uncertain terms the intention of its builder Edward I.

Ffestiniog Railway Co.

Porthmadog, Gwynedd, A must for railway enthusiasts. The Ffestiniog Railway is the oldest independent railway company in the World – being founded by an Act of Parliament in 1832.Over the last fifty years, the Ffestiniog Railway has become a leader in railway preservation and is now one of Wales’ top tourist attractions.

Lloyd George Museum

Criccieth, Gwynedd Discover the life and times of David Lloyd George, the cottage bred boy who became Prime Minister during World War 1.

More information:

The beach can attract several hundred naturists in summer during fine weather , mostly from North Wales and North West England, although visitors from mainland Europe are frequent.. Although the official designation was resisted by some local residents, complaints of indecent exposure and related behaviour have markedly decreased since 2000. The naturist section of the beach is now clearly marked by signs at both ends. Some naturists complain that the official section is too small – the traditional naturist area was 1,6km (1 mile) in length.

We say …

Although Morfa Dyffryn nudist beach suffers, like most UK beaches, from the attentions of a small number of voyeurs and other undesirables, it is large enough for most genuine nudists to enjoy themselves without problems. Families may want to avoid the northern end of the beach which is gay orientated. It’s certainly a contender for the title of the best nudist beach in Britain, but, be warned; the breeze can be chilly, even in summer.

Do you know this nudist beach? Is it nudist family friendly? Are pets allowed? Is it suitable for the infirm or disabled Please help us help the nudist community and make any helpful additions or corrections or comments.

That’s right. Stay for 3 – pay for 2. Stay for 6 – pay for 4. It’s that simple. For every 3 nights you stay at selected  SuperClubs resorts, they’ll give you one night absolutely free. Rates start at $86 with 3-night stays starting at just $172.

You’ll have to book by October 7, 2009 for travel through September 1 – October 31, 2009 to take advantage of these savings. Some  restrictions apply.

If you’re in the mood for a late summer naturist vacation, why not check out this  great offer?

Details from NFN Travel

The top five naked events :

1. World Naked Bike Ride
Held annually since 2004, bike riders from all around the world celebrate cycling in the nude.

2. World Record Skinny Dip
More than 12,000 people stripped off and gathered in pools across the US to form the “largest number of people skinny dipping at once,” now a category in the Guinness Book of World Records.

3. Nude Beach Olympics
The Nude Olympics take place on Australia’s sunny Maslin Beach.

4. Running of the Nudes
Held in Pamplona just after the annual “Running of the Bulls”, this is an event organised by PETA to protest against the cruelty of bullfighting.An alternative to the running of the

5. Burning Man Festival
An annual event held in the Black Rock Desert, Nevada, which usually includes large amounts of human nudity.

Top five nudist beaches

1. Haulover Beach Park Florida

2. Wreck Beach Canada

3. Paradise Beach, Mykonos

4. Orient Beach, St.Maarten, Caribbean.

5. Black’s Beach, California.

I don’t disagree too much with Trip Advisor  on the events, except that I ‘m surprised that The Burning Man Festival was chosen over seriously  nude events like  the World Body Painting Festival in Austria or De Blote Billen Loop (Zandvoort, Netherlands –people have to run or walk 5 km in the nude, on a nude beach)  or even  the Valentine’s Day Nude Bungee Jump in Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada.

With regard to the beaches, well, I guess it’s entirely subjective, so who am I to argue, except to say that Paradise Beach was overtaken years ago by Panormos beach on the north of Mykonos and neither of those two would get into my top five! In fact my list would include only two of the Trip Advisor selection.

Still, it all depends on what makes a beach the best for you, and until you’ve visited them all how can you judge which is the best in the world?

Guess I’d better get packing. So much to see, so little time…