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Christmas thoughts and wishes

I’m sure you’ve noticed that Christmas is nearly upon us. High Streets are lit with Santa’s and stars, giant Christmas trees sprout at road junctions, shops turn into glittering wonderlands and the festive ads on TV are already five weeks old.

Now you can call me an old traditionalist if you want, but I’d prefer that Yuletide start just a little later in the year. About mid-December would be nice.

The trouble is that the commercial interests who are doing their best to destroy the real meaning of Christmas for the sake of a quick buck are now trying to pull another fast one. By using the term “Seasonal”, instead of the more traditional “Christmas”, or “Yuletide”, they are able to expand a very holy and well-defined Christian festival into an infinitely extendable shopping opportunity.

We shouldn’t fall for it. We shouldn’t let them get away with it. We should fight against it.

So. What has this got to do with naturism?

Well, nothing, actually. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

But since this is supposed to be a naturist article, and because even I’m at the Christmas gift planning stage, I thought this might be a good opportunity to look at some gifts we might buy for our nudist loved ones and friends. Here then, is my brief Guide to Nudist Christmas Shopping.

Why not let him while away the long winter evenings with a great book exploring the quirky history of the nudist cinema?

Cinema Au Naturel: A History of Nudist Film brings to life many long-forgotten films such as Elysia: Valley of the Nude, The Monster at Camp Sunshine, and Take Off Your Clothes and Live. This is the first book devoted to these tantalizing films, and author Mark Storey shows them worthy of both light-hearted and serious consideration.

No? Something a little more risque perhaps?

How about The Naked Truth about Hedonism II: A Totally Unauthorized, Naughty But Nice Guide to Jamaica’s Very Adult Resort, 2nd Edition 

Everyone returns from Hedonism II, an adult resort in Jamaica, with at least one good story. This book is a collection of those  cheeky stories and also a bawdy travel guide for making the most of a trip to this resort. Sporting forty three colour photos and eighteen black-and-white ones, the book is sure to make him laugh at the antics of the guests who keep coming back for more naked silliness.

What’s simple and comfortable yet stylish and graceful, looks as good in the bedroom as it does on the beach, and is the ideal “throw on” for the nudist lady in your life? I’m talking about a Kimono, that functional but elegant garment which has graced Japanese ladies for centuries.

Forget struggling into shorts or donning unflattering jogging bottoms – she can slip into a Kimono as if it were a housecoat, and she’ll still look a million dollars! Traditional silk may be out of the range of all but the very rich, but you can find a superb range of stunning designs in cotton at

We all know what the excesses of Christmas can do to our figures, and there’s nothing like going nude on a beach or a club to highlight the results of our over-indulgence. But fear not. If your lady is already worrying about the excess pounds she’ll really appreciate the aptly named How To Look Good Naked DVD.

Reviewer Diana Quacinella says” This is quite possibly the best set of workout tapes I’ve tried. In weeks I saw a difference in my abs, butt and thighs. My tummy is now toned and my thighs have great shape. I’ve tried pilates, yoga and nothing has worked as great as this set!”

If you really want to splash out (and you’ve got the means to do so!) how about your own private nudist paradise island?

The 26 acre (10 hectare) Little Eden Cay coral island is located close to the Caribbean Coast of Nicaragua and has been transformed into the ultimate getaway, featuring a most luxurious and beautifully detailed home away from home. A full time manager lives on the Cay and attends to the maintenance and housekeeping of the main house, supervision of the other island staff, and acts as butler to any guests in residence. Other staff include a gardener, a caretaker and a housekeeper.

The price? A snip atjust under 4 million US Dollars. If you’re really interested go to http://www.privateislandsonline.com/littleeden.htm

Better still, if you’ve got that kind of money contact me first. I’ve got this great business idea that can’t fail…!

Seriously though, I guess that’s just about it for another year. I’m off to Florida for Christmas, so I won’t be writing again until the New Year. I’d just like to thank you all for all your support, interest and your kind comments in 2009, and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year.

See you in January.

God bless.

A lesson about stereotyping

I thought it would never happen to me, so I didn’t take proper precautions.Then one day recently whilst  doing a little surfing, flashing alarms suddenly infested my screen, and urgent messages blinked at me telling me that my folders contained about a million viruses which could only be cured if I pressed this download button now. I’d heard of other people being tricked into downloading something which eventually destroyed their system, so, not knowing what else to do and not having a know-all teenager handy, I switched off and unplugged.

I felt pretty smug. I had avoided the trap. I had refused to panic and download something nasty. I had outwitted the geeky virus writers, the  sneeky hackers and the shabby spammers.
I had a celebratory cup of tea whilst I waited for the dust to settle a bit, and then with a triumphant flourish I switched my machine back on.
Except that I couldn’t. Or rather, I could power it up, but nothing significant happened. All I got after a few seconds of whirring was a blue screen and a message about something being corrupted  in my Fat sector, which I didn’t understand but which wasn’t, I thought, a very nice thing to say to a girl.
Rebooting didn’t help, neither did swearing nor threatening it with the first floor drop.
A friend of mine suggested using the back-up disc so thoughtfully provided by Evesham Computers when I purchased it some years ago, but it refused to load ( naturally!) and the option of phoning the helpline had disappeared some months before when Evesham went out of business.
Now I began to panic.
It wasn’t the computer itself that I was worried about. It was over 6 years old and had become unreliable and due for replacement. Anyway, I could carry on working and accessing the internet etc on my laptop.
What really spooked me was the potential data loss. Although most of my writings are backed up to CD’s and DVD’s, I had hundred of digital photos and over 1000 of my favourite songs stored on my desktop computer, as well as personal documents of one sort or another. All of them, particularly the photographs, were irreplaceable. None were backed up. I felt sick, and not a little foolish.
I phoned around Yellow Pages for some professional help and nearly had the conniptions at the average rate being quoted of £50 an hour with a minimum fee of £200. Yikes! For that sort of money I could buy a posh cocktail dress AND have enough left over for some stockings.
As a last resort, I decided to pop into my local Maplins ( an chain of UK electronics stores), to see if they had any suggestions.
 The assistant was small, spotty. bespectacled and geeky and so fitted my stereotype of the the sort of little snirp who wrote the virus that caused my problem in the first place that I almost biffed him one on sight.
And how wrong I would have been. After patiently listening to my problem, and politely answering my entirely stupid, computer illiterate questions, he came up with a solution which entailed removing my hard drive ( scary but not difficult) and plugging it in via a special contraption to my lap top.
Result, thanks to a geeky kidI can now access all the data I thought I’d lost, at a cost of less than £16.
Which just goes to show how important it is to back your data up. And how foolish we are to  judge people according to sterotypes.
Including geeks. And especially naturists.

World’s best nude events and beaches revealed

Trip Advisor, the travel website  has announced the winners of top 5 nude events and top 5 nude beaches. Quite what criteria they used, and who carried out the judging is unknown, but here are the results according to Trip Advisor.

The top five naked events :

1. World Naked Bike Ride
Held annually since 2004, bike riders from all around the world celebrate cycling in the nude.

2. World Record Skinny Dip
More than 12,000 people stripped off and gathered in pools across the US to form the “largest number of people skinny dipping at once,” now a category in the Guinness Book of World Records.

3. Nude Beach Olympics
The Nude Olympics take place on Australia’s sunny Maslin Beach.

4. Running of the Nudes
Held in Pamplona just after the annual “Running of the Bulls”, this is an event organised by PETA to protest against the cruelty of bullfighting.An alternative to the running of the

5. Burning Man Festival
An annual event held in the Black Rock Desert, Nevada, which usually includes large amounts of human nudity.

Top five nudist beaches

1. Haulover Beach Park Florida

2. Wreck Beach Canada

3. Paradise Beach, Mykonos

4. Orient Beach, St.Maarten, Caribbean.

5. Black’s Beach, California.

I don’t disagree too much with Trip Advisor  on the events, except that I ‘m surprised that The Burning Man Festival was chosen over seriously  nude events like  the World Body Painting Festival in Austria or De Blote Billen Loop (Zandvoort, Netherlands –people have to run or walk 5 km in the nude, on a nude beach)  or even  the Valentine’s Day Nude Bungee Jump in Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada.

With regard to the beaches, well, I guess it’s entirely subjective, so who am I to argue, except to say that Paradise Beach was overtaken years ago by Panormos beach on the north of Mykonos and neither of those two would get into my top five! In fact my list would include only two of the Trip Advisor selection.

Still, it all depends on what makes a beach the best for you, and until you’ve visited them all how can you judge which is the best in the world?

Guess I’d better get packing. So much to see, so little time…

A Merry Christmas to All

Just got home after a trip out of town, and would just like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a happy and peaceful New Year!

See you in 2009!

Nude Beach causes tempers to rise!

So German nudists are upset by Polish peepers, who are outraged about German nudists!

And all because a fence separating the German and Polish sides of a Baltic beach has been removed to allow freedom of access to both communities.

And I thought nudism broke down barriers and brought people together!

Flesh Dance? No Thanks!

Flesh Dance.

Starkers NightclubI’ve just turned down an invitation to this Friday’s naked party at Starkers nightclub.

I’ll say that again. I can’t believe it either.

I, a confirmed nudist who will normally lose my clothes quicker than a stripper on speed, have just turned down a night out at London’s only nude disco. My hosts were paying for everything too, dammit.

Am I getting that old?

Actually I don’t think it’s to do with age.

For me it’s about ambience.

Dancing in the buff on a warm summers’ evening on an exotic beach is just perfect. Having a Big Night Out in a city centre disco where everyone else is naked doesn’t hold the same attraction.

It’s true that that my disco-dancing nights are long gone now, but I don’t think the idea would have appealed to me even back when I was a 18 year old disco diva.

I suppose it would have stopped my mum complaining-as she always did, bless her-that my skirt was WAY too short

But wherever would I have kept my lipstick and make-up?

Happy New Year, but take care where you go bare!

Danger. Take care where you go bare!

danger. weird nudist laws


Oh dear, the old head’s still hurting a bit as a result of accidentally quaffing large amounts of alcohol during a fairly riotous New Year’s Eve celebration in Gloucestershire.

Not that it was my fault of course; I blame my hosts. I mean, put a weak and naive young lady such as myself, who has led a hitherto sheltered and blameless life, in front of a bar which stretched into the next county, and what can you expect?

Therefore they must shoulder the entire blame for the incident later that night when I received a caution from the local bobby for riding my host’s bicycle round the village green at three AM dressed only in boots, knickers (with snazzy Christmas tree motif) and a Santa Claus hat.

My recollection of that night is a little hazy, but I remember that the officer was perfectly charming, although my hosts suffered agonies the next day expecting a knock on the door from the local police force.

Serve ’em right for leading me to the demon drink I say.

Not that they weren’t right to be worried mind you. According to British law, I- who committed the deed – would not have been prosecuted unless a member of the public had complained, but they – who had done nothing – could be prosecuted on the spot for keeping a “disorderly house”

Which is a bit strange if you ask me, but then the law is an ass sometimes, especially in connection with nudity. Just take a look at these examples, which I’ve reproduced courtesy of Scott Roeben, at http://www.dribbleglass.com. (Incidentally, this is a fascinating site for whiling away a few hours. Check it out.)

For instance, did you know that…

  • Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute “private parts” under state law.
  • In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.
  • In Oxford, Ohio, it’s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man’s picture.
  • Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England-but only in tropical fish stores.
  • Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they’re nude.
  • In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can’t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)
  • However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”
  • Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
  • Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio, as a man might see the reflection of something he ought not!
  • In Hastings, Nebraska, the owner of every hotel is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No male and female-even if they are married-may sleep together in the nude.
  • Censorship laws in Brazil are strict. Photos of women attired in bikinis or short-shorts are banned. And no more than one bare female breast may legally be shown on any given page of a newspaper, magazine, book, or other publication.
  • Don’t try to fool around while skinny-dipping anywhere near Georgetown, Guyana. Getting caught while bathing in the nude is punishable with a coat of fresh paint! The bathers are then taken to the outskirts of Georgetown and left to fend for themselves.
  • Cautin Province in Chile has an edict banning the hanging on the walls of Playboy centerfolds and other sexy pinups in any home or public building. The reason ? “It’s more worthwhile to admire a good landscape than a photograph of a naked woman.”
  • In Syria, a man is forbidden to “look at the body of a woman who is not his wife under any circumstances. It is also forbidden for a woman to look at the body of a man who is not her husband. It is forbidden to look at the genitals of others, even in the mirror or in a pool’s reflection.”
  • Egypt has legislation that prohibits a woman from belly dancing unless her navel is covered with gauze. Technically, then, according to this law, a female in Egypt may dance in public while wearing absolutely nothing more than a piece of gauze on her belly button.
  • The law in Doha, Qatar, requires that if a naked Muslim woman is surprised by a man while bathing or dressing, she must first cover her face, not her body.
  • Bikini car washes (where women wash cars topless) are prohibited in most US states, but the fine is only $50 per incident, so car washes charge an extra $50 to recoup their legal costs.
  • Florida prohibits topless walking or running within a 150 foot zone between the beach and the street.
  • In Winnipeg, it is against the law to go naked in your own home if you leave the blinds up.
  • In Carrizozo New Mexico, females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public – including legs and face.
  • And last but not least, in Thailand it is illegal to leave your house without wearing underwear…

By the way. I personally have not checked the validity or otherwise of any of these laws, so I accept no responsibility if they’re incorrect or out of date.

What I mean is, for instance, if you own a tropical fish shop in Liverpool and decide to serve your customers topless on the basis of what you’ve just read, that’s up to you.
But if you get arrested don’t go blaming me- I’m in enough trouble down in Gloucestershire.

Have a great nudist new year!